Parenting is not a simple task, as I’ve come to learn over the years. Whereas most of us parents focus on the physical and emotional elements of development in our children, we tend to forget that we also have to develop and promote their intellectual and emotional aspects. As the children grow into adulthood, the intellectual and emotional characteristics come into play and parenting becomes hectic. The children are likely to go astray if the parents are alcoholics or if they use drugs. Some guardians even abuse their children which breeds animosity and may lead to children engaging in substance abuse. Fortunate for me, I neither drink nor abuse my son. I’ve brought him up in church, and I discipline him accordingly. Here's how I would rank the most common factors influencing parenting, from the least influential (1) to the most influential (7);
2. Parental imbalance and substance abuse
3. Boundary problems (i.e. triangulation)
4. Parent criticism, anger and blaming children
5. Parenting style
6. Temperament of the child
I highly doubt if there’s any shame between my kid and me, and as I mentioned earlier, I don’t drink or abuse drugs. Triangulation is not an issue in my family. Also, I don’t take it all on my son not unless they’ve done something wrong and I have to punish them. Just like any other parent, sometimes I question my parenting style when things don’t work out. The two factors that I struggle a lot with are temperament of the child and attachment. That explains my list.
There’s no doubt that the bond between children and their parents is bound to determine their personality ("How attachment affects children", 2018). For that reason, I’ve struggled to establish a secure attachment with my son, something that comes along with its fair share of challenges (Firestone, 2016). Due to much pamper, correcting or reproofing my son when he does wrong has become difficult. He even throws tantrums when given ‘NO’ for an answer. Lately, I’ve resolved to simple ways to avoid cosseting him like leaving him home. Initially, I would let him accompany me everywhere. I’ve also started researching about how to deal with his temper. I don’t forget to attend church with him or pray for us every day for things to work out.
Firestone, L. (2016). How Your Attachment Style Affects Your Parenting. HuffPost. Retrieved 26 February 2018, from https://www.huffingtonpost.com/lisa-firestone/how-your-attachment-style_1_b_8334172.html
How attachment affects children. (2018). Essentialparent.com. Retrieved 26 February 2018, from https://www.essentialparent.com/lesson/how-attachment-affects-children-2317/
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