Revising an Essay

Thesis Statement: The popularity of social media facilitates its potential use as a tool for e-learning by means of social media platforms like Facebook and Twitter. The use of social media tools in education has a variety of benefits in education.

Revised Paragraph

The popularity of social media has been on the risein a relatively short period.Presently, social media can be broken down into; blogs,social networking sites, mutual projects, virtual social worlds,and content communities (Kaplan and Haenlein 59).  However, it is almost impossible to define social media because of its quick advancement. In the literature, there are many differences in the definition of social media because researchers have diverse understandings on the scope of social media; and often try to include the constantly shifting technologies and toolsused for social media (Power and Wren 249). A universal definition of social media is; “a group of Internet applications that are createdon the technological Web foundations, and facilitate theexchange of user-generated content” (Kaplan &Haenlein 60). 

Healthy Paragraph

The structure of the first sentence in the paragraph needed to be changed because the adjective “popularity” ought to be placed in front of the noun “social media.” In the second sentence of the paragraph, there was a necessity of including a semi-colon so as to separate the items that are in a series that has commas. The items mentioned in the sentence include; blogs, social networking sites, mutual projects, virtual social worlds, and content communities. A comma also had to be inserted between the second last item in the series, and the word “and.”  The sentence structure had to be re-structured so that the adjective “Presently” precedes the noun “social media.” On the third line, the structure of the sentence needed to be changed. The sentence structure of the fourth sentence also needed to be changed, since the subject in the sentence, which is “in the literature,”ought to be the one that starts in the sentence. A semi colon was necessary to be included in the same sentence, since there is an independent clause that is in the sentence. The independent clause is: and often try to include the constantly shifting technologies and toolsused for social media.On the last line of the paragraph, a semi colon needed to be placed between the introduction of the sentence, since that represents an independent clause that asserts in the provision of the universal definition of the term “social media.”